I AM WALKING WITH A GUARDIAN ANGEL

My first acquaintance with the sisters of Jesus Mary Joseph occurred when Sr. Auxilia Tandayu and Sr. Bernadette Mokorimban came to my homeland, Tanjungpinang, Riau Island. As a member of the Junior Legion of Mary, I and some friends were asked to fetch the sisters at the airport. Like someone who falls in love at the first sight, that was I experienced. Together with some friends we often visited the sisters. We were shown the dining room, the bedroom and the prayer room. Very simple! But for me it left a deep impression. Especially the prayer room.

The witness of the simplicity, hospitality, and joyful became a magnet to my heart and mind. So when the provincial Sr. Cantia Toar asked me about my desire to become a nun, I answered confidently that I wanted to follow Jesus in this congregation.

On July 22, 1983, I entered into the postulate. A year later on July 13, 1984, I was permitted to continue the formation in the Novitiate and two years later I made my first vows on July 7, 1986. It was my important moment in my life, when I experienced the phase of change in my life; from a girl to a religious woman. In these places I experienced surprises that never came across in my imagination. In fact, all candidates and all nuns were common people who could also fall into their human weaknesses. These experiences led me to a deep reflection and they became an important experience in my inner-self and the foundation of my life being a SJMJ religious. That God called the weak to manifest His power (cf. 2 Cor 12:9).

Initial formation was the key to affirm in the experience of spiritual journey. Through being together in the formation community, we went through the process that is painful but healing. Why do I say that? It hurt because we were invited to manage ourselves, to look into the root of our problems and are accepted ourselves, as we were and get out from the old human being to become a SJMJ religious. Through recollections, through a month retreats, through self-management, through conferences on  the history of the Congregation, deepening my spirituality I found the answer that the focus of my life is one, namely Jesus.

This orientation of life guided me in continuing my journey towards my goal. Not without obstacles and challenges. But the congregation through the leaders, formators, communities in which I live, I feel that the congregation is my guardian angel and my spiritual mother. From the womb of the SJMJ congregation I was born to be a religious. As a mother, the Congregation has protected me like a guardian angel who keeps and protects me both spiritually and physically so that the focus and the purpose of life does not blur or disappear when the winds and storms of life was blowing hardly.

When I was really helpless, facing the dilemma: the choice between my vocation and the future of my disabled sister, the congregation through Sr. Agneta came to replace my mother who had passed away to take over my responsibility as the eldest of five children. Until now, I am peaceful in doing my apostolate because I believe there are my fellow sisters who take care of my sister patiently and carefully more than her brothers and sisters.

Mother's warmth, repeatedly I got even though I'm getting older. I was not left in struggle. Assistance in apostolates and my inner growth are still provided. When I felt that I needed to be humble when I was asked to become a teacher (not a principal), I was given the opportunity to teach for 6 years at St. Joseph Junior High School Denpasar. At that time the experience of working with other foundations, with its leader who was a layman, taught me to become a person who was more opened to the different situations and conditions. Likewise, when I felt intrusive, the leader didn’t necessarily impose a sentence like a judge, but I am invited to talk and have a dialogue. And I was given the means to treat wounds in the heart, such as a month retreat.

At the 38 years in my religious life, I still feel the warmth of the congregation as a mother. Like my guardian angel, the congregation protects me with the warm flap of its wings so that I will love the One who calls me despite the temptations and the world’s offering with its charming promises. These experiences strengthened my belief “to whom do I give my whole future”.

I thank to SJMJ Congregation, thank you for being a religious mother to me. Congratulation on your 200th year. May you continue to be a mother and a guardian angel for young women who want to join with you and ask your protection to reach their goal to Jesus.

"The mother is everything - she is our consolation in sorrow, our hope in misery, and our strength in weakness. She is the source of love, mercy, sympathy, and forgiveness. He who loses his mother loses a pure soul who blesses and guards him constantly." (Kahlil Gibran)

Sr. Anna Endang SJMJ